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Center of Your Will


Note: This is day two with some revisions.  Yesterday I was released from the lions den, today I wanted to make some things a little clearer before someone thinks something was happening that wasn’t.  So to clarify I’ve tweaked this.  ♪♫ It’s my blog I can tweak if I want to. ♪♫

Are you still amazed by how GOD moves?

Do you sometimes feel as if good things are withheld from you?

A pastor once said to me in a time of crisis in my life, when I was out of state, and facing my first husbands death, all alone, in a state where I’d flown to and knew not a soul there, he said to me, after expressing that I couldn’t feel that peace that GOD gives, “Jeannie, you are in good company.  Daniel felt much the same way in the Lions Den, look how that turned out.”

Just like that season in my life, which will be twenty years this Oct.  The lions began to roar again.  The lions were roaring so loud in my head that I couldn’t hear from GOD.  I just needed GOD to shut their mouths.

*GOD* Gets All The Glory

I’m just a transparent woman exposed to the elements of this world.  For me things are literally closing in on me.  I don’t know if anyone reads this, or if anyone out there even gives a flying fig, but I’m not counting on you.  I don’t count on some statistics or comments from anyone who comes by to prove that I have purpose.  I don’t need those things to see  that GOD has a plan.

This morning as I dreaded going to work.  Long story, short, I’m training for a new position and quite honestly it isn’t a perfect fit for me.  I stink at it.  I actually said to my manager that I suck at it.  I said it today to my grocery assistant manager that I suck.  Nobody is listening to me.  Me saying that word, those words, should be a signal that this isn’t working.  What do they say, give it more time.  Give yourself a chance.  The thing is I’m just not getting it.  Today was my second day on my own and I still don’t like it.  I thought I did, but for whatever reason clarity of mind won’t come my way.

It could be because our home is in foreclosure and we could be homeless any day now.  It could be that we just discovered that said home, has termites.  It could be the washer broke.  It could be that I’m feeling as if the walls are closing in on all sides for me and I find myself in a place I’ve never been before.  I’m telling people how it is but nobody is listening…


GOD was listening.  I knew this.  I know this.

This is why I asked in the beginning if you are still amazed at how GOD moves.  This morning once again, at o’dark early I was leaving for work and feeling amazing sick to my stomach.  I wasn’t even going to turn on the radio, but I did.  I only can say it was because it was what GOD ordained for me to do.  I don’t have a reason why I didn’t want it, or wanted it.  It isn’t a habit.  In fact often I love the quiet because of all the clamor in the world.

Today GOD had plans though.  Nothing has changed regarding how I feel about the new position at work.  Nothing has changed as far as our home or termites.  What changed was the words that came to me in a song this morning, but that wasn’t even so miraculous.  I love songs that speak to your heart, or songs that have a happy tune or beat.  Like the Muppet Move song, ♪♫ Life’s a happy song when there’s someone by your side to sing along.”  That’s not the song that came on the radio though.  That’s not even what amazed me, what GOD did to get my attention.

No, after I sat crying yet again after getting home, thinking nobody is listening to me GOD, nobody gets that this job is not for me.  I’m talking and nobody is listening.  Often they say people don’t express when they are being taxed to the max and they do crazy things, but I’m expressing myself.  I’m just saying GOD…

Do you know what I’m talking about when I say… Only GOD could have done this?

Do you experience moments in pain when only GOD could mend your heart?

Well today was GOD do some mighty beautiful stitch work on me.

As I said it all came together from a song in the morning:

Center Of It by Chris August


Some days I’m feelin’ like I
Can’t win, can’t get it right and it
Don’t matter how hard I try
Today is not my day
When it feels like I’m going crazy
And it looks like nothings changing
Come sun come rainy day
You are still the same

In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall
You’ll be there through it all
At the start, at the end In the center of the center of it

Some nights I lay awake and I
Can’t push these thoughts away
I’m worried where I’m gonna go
Where I’m gonna be are You gonna be there for me
When it feels like the doors are closing
Gotta trust that You’re doing something
Come sun come rainy day
You are all I need

In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall You’ll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it

There will be days I will forget
Everything You’ve done for me
But when I go back there again
I’m reminded

In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night

In the dark, in the light
In the morning and the night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall You’ll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it
The center of it all, the center of it
In the loss, in the win
In the beauty and the sin
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it

Now this is what I call an honest to human song.  It’s truly how we feel, even as CHRISTians.  I’m just happy I have the Lord GOD beside me, because… well, I’m just glad He is here with me right now.  That He’s been there from the beginning and He’ll be there till the end.

Now for the GOD glorifying moment that brought it all together, and how I am reminded in the dark, in the light, in the morning, and in the night…

I have a little book of encouragement and it is a paraphrase of Psalms.

I opened it up to read these words based on Psalm 84.

“O GOD, the center of Your will is truly the place of fulfillment.  I long incessantly for the peace and security of walking with You.  Therein only is purpose and meaning for my life.  O Lord, look with loving mercy upon those who have yielded their densities to You.  Just one day in the center of Your will is incomparably better than a thousand spent in the pursuit of self-centered aims and objectives.  It is more fulfilling to be an underpaid clerk in the service of my GOD than to be owner and director of some huge and wealthy enterprise.”

Daniel and the Lions Den 21st Century Style

It’s not just a lesson for children.  Well, yes, children of GOD.  Sadly this lesson gets treated more as if it is for children’s church though, and not significant and powerful as a learning tool for adults as well.  Why that is, I don’t know, because Daniel though young, was wise beyond his years.

Significant, how?  “center of” in the song this morning and followed up in this Psalm.  Not only that but in this paraphrase you see in italics “clerk”.  My new position?  It’s price scan clerk.

Maybe all this means absolutely nothing to you.  That’s okay, I’m cool with all that.  The point here isn’t that I’m going through some difficulties, or that I want help, or out of this position, or some sort of relief from this feeling overcoming me, one that I’m not accustomed to.  The point is, I hope, I pray even, that you experience moments like this.  Not the moment of anguish, but the moment that comes forth from those moments.  Those moments where man isn’t listening, and in the thick of those hopeless feelings you hear from Him.  The thing is, you have to prep for that.  Those moments are things you prepare for by staying in the Word.  By instilling in yourself moments where you spend time with the Lord on your own.  There is a church craze and grazing that goes on now where everyone is into fellowship, fellowship, fellowship, and they’ve forfeiting giving people that all important lesson on prepping one to One.  One Savior and you.  I’m not knocking the fellowship, I’m saying hooked on fellowship, where the Bible becomes less and the fellowship becomes the all important thing, that’s the downfall.

You should have moments where nothing changes but the stopping in your tracks of trouble and seeing, knowing and breathing in that still small moment of His breath from Heaven that allows you to know He understands where you are, what you are facing and that He understands.

If I end up succeeding at this position, it is all glory to GOD.

If I end up failing at this position, it is still all glory to GOD.

Truth is, I by obedience gave it a shot.  I went through yet another moment of being thrown into that lions den of sorts.  I trust in the Lord GOD who held back the roaring opened mouth enemy trying to suppress my faith with fear.  Yesterday GOD stepped in and saved me when nobody else could have done what He did.  Although… I won’t discount the fact that people were praying for me.  They were also in the den with me, knowing that they were helpless to calm me, because that calming, that true sense of peace that passes our understanding, it only comes from GOD, man if ever gives it out, it’s for temporary feeling, GOD gives it and it is nothing like any sort of peace that comes from any earthly being or thing.   Peace like this is when it’s, as a friend said, to the mattresses.  The fight within you to focus is being shredded by the enemy and the fight to hold on, because help is on the way, comes from faith.

Daniel 6

Daniel in the Lions’ Den

 1-3Darius reorganized his kingdom. He appointed one hundred twenty governors to administer all the parts of his realm. Over them were three vice-regents, one of whom was Daniel. The governors reported to the vice-regents, who made sure that everything was in order for the king. But Daniel, brimming with spirit and intelligence, so completely outclassed the other vice-regents and governors that the king decided to put him in charge of the whole kingdom.

 4-5 The vice-regents and governors got together to find some old scandal or skeleton in Daniel’s life that they could use against him, but they couldn’t dig up anything. He was totally exemplary and trustworthy. They could find no evidence of negligence or misconduct. So they finally gave up and said, “We’re never going to find anything against this Daniel unless we can cook up something religious.”

 6-7 The vice-regents and governors conspired together and then went to the king and said, “King Darius, live forever! We’ve convened your vice-regents, governors, and all your leading officials, and have agreed that the king should issue the following decree:

    For the next thirty days no one is to pray to any god or mortal except you, O king. Anyone who disobeys will be thrown into the lions’ den.

 8 “Issue this decree, O king, and make it unconditional, as if written in stone like all the laws of the Medes and the Persians.”

 9 King Darius signed the decree.

 10 When Daniel learned that the decree had been signed and posted, he continued to pray just as he had always done. His house had windows in the upstairs that opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he knelt there in prayer, thanking and praising his God.

 11-12 The conspirators came and found him praying, asking God for help. They went straight to the king and reminded him of the royal decree that he had signed. “Did you not,” they said, “sign a decree forbidding anyone to pray to any god or man except you for the next thirty days? And anyone caught doing it would be thrown into the lions’ den?”

    “Absolutely,” said the king. “Written in stone, like all the laws of the Medes and Persians.”

 13 Then they said, “Daniel, one of the Jewish exiles, ignores you, O king, and defies your decree. Three times a day he prays.”

 14 At this, the king was very upset and tried his best to get Daniel out of the fix he’d put him in. He worked at it the whole day long.

 15 But then the conspirators were back: “Remember, O king, it’s the law of the Medes and Persians that the king’s decree can never be changed.”

 16 The king caved in and ordered Daniel brought and thrown into the lions’ den. But he said to Daniel, “Your God, to whom you are so loyal, is going to get you out of this.”

 17 A stone slab was placed over the opening of the den. The king sealed the cover with his signet ring and the signet rings of all his nobles, fixing Daniel’s fate.

 18 The king then went back to his palace. He refused supper. He couldn’t sleep. He spent the night fasting.

 19-20 At daybreak the king got up and hurried to the lions’ den. As he approached the den, he called out anxiously, “Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve so loyally, saved you from the lions?”

 21-22 “O king, live forever!” said Daniel. “My God sent his angel, who closed the mouths of the lions so that they would not hurt me. I’ve been found innocent before God and also before you, O king. I’ve done nothing to harm you.”

 23 When the king heard these words, he was happy. He ordered Daniel taken up out of the den. When he was hauled up, there wasn’t a scratch on him. He had trusted his God.

 24 Then the king commanded that the conspirators who had informed on Daniel be thrown into the lions’ den, along with their wives and children. Before they hit the floor, the lions had them in their jaws, tearing them to pieces.

 25-27 King Darius published this proclamation to every race, color, and creed on earth:

    Peace to you! Abundant peace!
         I decree that Daniel’s God shall be worshiped and feared
   in all parts of my kingdom.
         He is the living God, world without end. His kingdom
   never falls.
         His rule continues eternally.
         He is a savior and rescuer.
         He performs astonishing miracles in heaven and on earth.
         He saved Daniel from the power of the lions.

 28 From then on, Daniel was treated well during the reign of Darius, and also in the following reign of Cyrus the Persian

~Father GOD~

Thank You GOD for always being able to shut the mouths of the enemy.  Thank You for helping me and using my fumbling efforts to touch my soul.  To show me the way to get through the enemies assaults and communicate to me, lowly me, with Your voice of concern.  I praise You Lord GOD and thank You for bringing me through this time.  Nothing materially or job-wise has changed, and yet I’m made new today because of Your unfailing Love for each of us. I am so reminded today of that journey You had me on twenty years ago with October.  I’m reminded as if it was yesterday, and sort of, it was.  This experience reminds me once again that the gracious promises You make are not based on conflict we experience, but the joy on the other side of those battles.  The job that comes from crawling beneath Your protection and coming around the corner of faith, with eyes that see a forever and always Faithful GOD at the helm.

In Jesus’ name alone, Amen!

Until all have heard of and know, His Love,

Jeannie Bee


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