So much has been on my heart and mind these past few days. If you know anything at all about writing you will know that it’s quite difficult to write, or should I say organize the thoughts in your head when so much is rambling around to be said. Quite truthfully I started to write at least a dozen times in the last few days, all to no avail because as I would be in the middle of writing I’d know that these were not the thoughts that GOD was wanting me to be sharing, they were to rambled, fuzzy and going all over the place. Meaning? Meaning there seemed no specific subject coming through. It was sort of like the worst bunny trail writing to date for me. Bunny trails are okay, but this, this wasn’t centered, wasn’t focused. The ideas and subjects were clear but I wasn’t being clear.
Now if you’ve read my writing you may think me never to be quite clear. I’ve got no problems with that. It’s just me being me, and I’m the only me I am. That’s good enough for GOD and most assuredly good enough for me. Does this mean that there is no room for improvement? Gosh no! If that was the case I could have written all those unfocused thoughts and shared them here, not caring how I’m being led, or worse, what is leading me. Or even more worse, Who. The Who of who leads me by this point should be clear. If it’s not it’s time for you to rub your fuzzy eyes and focus too! =)
Coming Into Focus
As I said there has been a lot going on within my life. I actually should say in the lives of lives in my life. Focus for today came when my little peepers blinked open this morning. My first thought? You might have guessed it, “GOD-morning GOD”. In that very moment I knew that the clouds of muddleness (jeannieism word) had lifted. There recently has been way to much going on in my head and it has been getting in the way of my comfort zone living.
My comfort zone? H’m… let me explain. Just yesterday at work someone was asking me a question regarding flying. This person knows of my somewhat claustrophobia. They reminded me how I’ve shared that, and how I’d probably have to pop a couple of Xanax before flying so as to be not so stressed out, they said that’s what people like me do in order to fly.
My ah-ha moment! In one single statement it was a reminder that I was allowing myself to be living in a kaleidoscope of thinking. Way to much thinking going on in my little thinker. In an instant the thought from the Lord came to me that I haven’t been writing because my center was off.
I shared with my co-worker that there would be absolutely no need for Xanax. I’m not knocking anyone who needs it, or professing to be some spiritually perfect stable being, it’s just that, Xanax taking is not for me. Oh yes I’ve thought about thinking how nice it would be to be taking such a pill that would keep me looking all laid back and somewhat cooler than a cucumber.
cool as a cucumber – Meaning: calm, not nervous or anxious. EXAMPLE: He is always as cool as a cucumber and never worries about anything.
Sheesh, I don’t want that. I don’t ever want to be free from any worries. I myself don’t want to live a life numb to things happening around me. No, for this woman Xanax is not the thing. What is the thing I explained is the Holy Spirit. She just sort of laughed at me, not in a mocking way, but in a way that allowed me to know she wasn’t surprised this sort of thing was coming out of my mouth. This is exactly why I don’t want to be…
Life can be so disappointing at times, agreed? If you are not experiencing disappointments something is not right at all in your life. If you are a Believer and you are not, your spiritual wood is wet.
There is a time to be numb and a time to be sensitive. I know right, this coming from the woman of years of sensitivity. The reason some of my sensitivity is elevated is because I care and I’m an extremely passionate person. When a passionate person meets a numbed down person, we don’t exactly click. In fact most people who run on numb or normal settings think me quite the unusual sort. That’s okay! I’m good with that. I’d rather be feeling it all and living life not in a vacuum of organized emotions.
Numbed down is for sin, fear, and of course… flying! Yep, I can get numbed down without a pill popped into my mouth. I’m positive that the Holy Spirit is going to lead me beside still waters. Now that might not sound exactly right to say when it comes to flying.
You see I know that my heart is what the Lord is hearing and I know that all the circumstances of the day, the week, all the cluttered up thoughts that have been unsettled on my mind, are His! Circumstances can be like flying for a claustrophobic. Circumstances circle your brain and try to hard to mislead, misdirect or worse send missiles of momentary confusion through your neurons. Not good, never good!
I want to be numbed down to sin, or to fear. I do not, do not want to be fearful for the things I cannot change. For the things that are out of my control. My life has been that way and when some things get added I can be a panic pants!
What is a panic pants? It’s when circumstances overwhelm you and you, yes, panic! I’m ashamed to say I’ve had those moments. Way to many to even began to mention here, or that I’d actually like to mention. One thing we always must hold as our sword is that of the Spirit. The only thing good about our past mistakes, those that satan reminds us of often, is that we learn from them, and… this ones way important, when he comes a knocking with a reminder notice, remind him of his future. Remind him Who it was who left him with an empty tomb to look at as a reminder of His coming again.
Yes panic… We panic when our child is sick for no known reason, and answers from professionals isn’t aren’t coming. We panic when we have to let people make decisions on their own that will affect you as well, as change the course of their lives. We panic when we get that call, you know, the one maybe you’ve only seen come in a movie, but now it’s all to real. Panic… it’s what we do when we realize we’ve made a decision that the Lord directed, but the outcome isn’t exactly what we thought He was going to do. Lots of panic moments, and lots of chances to praise GOD He was there with assurance to remind me that panic panting just leaves you breathless. We might, even the strongest of Believers have those panic moments but they don’t last.
14-18 Desperate, I throw myself on you: you are my God!
safe from the hands out to get me.
Warm me, your servant, with a smile;
save me because you love me.
Don’t embarrass me by not showing up;
I’ve given you plenty of notice.
Embarrass the wicked, stand them up,
leave them stupidly shaking their heads
as they drift down to hell.
Gag those loudmouthed liars
who heckle me, your follower,
with jeers and catcalls. 19-22 What a stack of blessing you have piled up
for those who worship you,
Ready and waiting for all who run to you
to escape an unkind world.
You hide them safely away
from the opposition.
As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces,
you silence the poisonous gossip.
His love is the wonder of the world.
Trapped by a siege, I panicked.
“Out of sight, out of mind,” I said.
But you heard me say it,
you heard and listened.
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I’ve been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you’re after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. 7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I’ll let loose with your praise.